Hoy es el dia anterior al comienzo de mi cambio de vida. Lo quiero ver asi, necesito verlo asi. Y asi sera. Una parde de mi se conduce solo por la sed de venganza y se que no esta bien, pero si es el catalizador para un buen fin, y si como dicen la venganza es dulce, y la mejor venganza es vivir bien!!! Entonces Bienvenida seas venganza!
03 October, 2008
03 September, 2008
too little too late...too good
Wednesday/1.15 am. I just finished working on my paper...when I say "finished" I mean for the day only!
Some minutes later a new chat log window appears on my screen, a strange user, or at least a user address I don't recall.
Its someone from my immediate past, from two months ago to be accurate.
Unexpected things were said on his part. Things out of place, out of time...surely out of time.
Nonetheless, I have to say it was somehow good to "read" such things even though they don't make any sense now, probably it would have been better to remain unspoken.
Wednesday/9.19 am A phone call, while I was having breakfast...Another thing that seems to be also out of place and time. Ive been waiting for this type of phone call since long long time ago...I didn't take it, but I knew what was about...
Right now, Im not sure if its too late or if it's just the right time...and I was so impatient before, waiting and waiting. Then again, the funny thing its that these two events collide and can not be merge into one...or can they?
Some minutes later a new chat log window appears on my screen, a strange user, or at least a user address I don't recall.
Its someone from my immediate past, from two months ago to be accurate.
Unexpected things were said on his part. Things out of place, out of time...surely out of time.
Nonetheless, I have to say it was somehow good to "read" such things even though they don't make any sense now, probably it would have been better to remain unspoken.
Wednesday/9.19 am A phone call, while I was having breakfast...Another thing that seems to be also out of place and time. Ive been waiting for this type of phone call since long long time ago...I didn't take it, but I knew what was about...
Right now, Im not sure if its too late or if it's just the right time...and I was so impatient before, waiting and waiting. Then again, the funny thing its that these two events collide and can not be merge into one...or can they?
27 August, 2008
The "dating" game 1.2
I haven't seen N. Ratched since my Bday. He kept texting me, not so often and affective as in the beginning, but he did...(his big mistake). I wish he could just do what he did in the case of the "shoes girl". Then, I started texting him. My mistake, I know! I even dared to have a talk on msn, --right, how cheap is that?--about "what's going on?" hahahaha... Another Big mistake!
Why we women are like that sometimes? It was so obvious! But we always need some kind of "confirmation" and made excuses for the "erratic" behaviour of the guy in question. See, I have been like that, waiting for the guy to call, and wonder why he is not calling, specially since he has told me: "I like you a lot". But see thats the thing! if he is not calling you, if does not want to see you, thats the answer, not matter what he has said. Simple as that, and you don't need confirmation on that, specially when after talking the guy has also told you "I need time to reflect on my own".
I think what happened is due to a communication problem. Since the very first date, if its the case, the guy should- MUST say, if he only wants a "one-time fun date", then the girl would know if she is up for that or not. However, sadly it is not like that, rather they make it seem as a "serious" approach to dating, with good hopes and good intentions and all the bullshit...
Yesterday, I even made another mistake, I sent him an email saying everything is cool and we can be friends! I don't know what I did that for. I think I was just giving him the chance to come "clean" and say something like "Thanks, but no thanks". See, I needed "confirmation" that something that even didn't get started was over. To tell the truth I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend, but certainly was willing to get to know this guy better. Finally, I get, I get!!! I'm almost a Doctor in Sociology and still get played in this silly games. And what is best or worst: Im writing here about it...Joder!!!
Anyway, I hope N. Ratched, when not interested, keeps doing what he did to "shoes girl" instead of trying to be "polite". I wish I was as lucky as "shoes girl" was.
I wonder what ever happened to daddy-to-be- Jeremias. I bet he could have been a good friend of mine, has the one thing I like the most: honesty, and no just honesty per se, but "on time honesty".
I've given up to the online "dating game". These two bad experiences are enough. I also wonder if it is worth it to date like a guy does: "one-time fun date" and just date and date different people once, or keep dating several at the same time? uhmm...No, I couldn't do that, it seems too complicated! and I would have to make the first move, wait until the guy bites it, go on a date, pretend I like him, say I will call him but I won't... BUT was the point of all that? GUYS don't wait for a woman to call! They just move on!...
You know the good thing about this "dating" thing...? After a really painful breakup and 3 long years of silence, I never thought I could talk about "guys" with my ex boyfriend, but now I do, and it feels good, even if I'm still not lucky in that field.
Now, back to what I'm supposed to do, my neverending PhD, or should I say procrastinating?
Why we women are like that sometimes? It was so obvious! But we always need some kind of "confirmation" and made excuses for the "erratic" behaviour of the guy in question. See, I have been like that, waiting for the guy to call, and wonder why he is not calling, specially since he has told me: "I like you a lot". But see thats the thing! if he is not calling you, if does not want to see you, thats the answer, not matter what he has said. Simple as that, and you don't need confirmation on that, specially when after talking the guy has also told you "I need time to reflect on my own".
I think what happened is due to a communication problem. Since the very first date, if its the case, the guy should- MUST say, if he only wants a "one-time fun date",
Yesterday, I even made another mistake, I sent him an email saying everything is cool and we can be friends! I don't know what I did that for. I think I was just giving him the chance to come "clean" and say something like "Thanks, but no thanks". See, I needed "confirmation" that something that even didn't get started was over. To tell the truth I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend, but certainly was willing to get to know this guy better. Finally, I get, I get!!! I'm almost a Doctor in Sociology and still get played in this silly games. And what is best or worst: Im writing here about it...Joder!!!
Anyway, I hope N. Ratched, when not interested, keeps doing what he did to "shoes girl" instead of trying to be "polite". I wish I was as lucky as "shoes girl" was.
I wonder what ever happened to daddy-to-be- Jeremias. I bet he could have been a good friend of mine, has the one thing I like the most: honesty, and no just honesty per se, but "on time honesty".
I've given up to the online "dating game". These two bad experiences are enough. I also wonder if it is worth it to date like a guy does: "one-time fun date" and just date and date different people once, or keep dating several at the same time? uhmm...No, I couldn't do that, it seems too complicated! and I would have to make the first move, wait until the guy bites it, go on a date, pretend I like him, say I will call him but I won't... BUT was the point of all that? GUYS don't wait for a woman to call! They just move on!...
You know the good thing about this "dating" thing...? After a really painful breakup and 3 long years of silence, I never thought I could talk about "guys" with my ex boyfriend, but now I do, and it feels good, even if I'm still not lucky in that field.
Now, back to what I'm supposed to do, my neverending PhD, or should I say procrastinating?
26 August, 2008
Ayer me encontré
Ayer me topé con un libro electrónico que hace referencia a un escrito mio de hace 12 años. Me empece a leer, y creo no me pude reconocer del todo. Encontre a una Meiko inocente, ansiosa por expresarse y ávida de vivir sin miedos. La Meiko de ahora claro que también me gusta, pero si que extraño toda esa inocencia, sobre todo esas ganas de intentarlo todo sin miedos, sin analizarlo todo y tanto...No puedo dejar de imaginar en cuando tenga 60 o 70 años cual será la Meiko que extrañare más, si está que soy ahora, o la que extraño hoy día... y que estará aún más lejos...
The "dating" game 1.1
I had many options on the "dating" site, but didn't feel like giving it a try... besides my mami linda was here and we were leaving for Paris... and I had to enjoy that as much as I had to deal with my past's ghosts that lived in Paris...But somehow, I accepted another invitation. Didn't I just have enough? So, this second guy, that I wont even say his name...lets call him N. Ratched, and I had a date. At the beginning I didn't feel so comfortable as with Jeremias, I was actually unease, it could be that I was tired from the Paris trip, or I was not really in the mood for a "date", or I just didn't "click" with him, or could be all the above! Later that night I felt a connection, and I was enjoying myself.
N. Ratched even told me he had a date before with a girl that only talked about shoes, and that he never called her again ever since. Well, that's what guys do, I thought, actually I said it aloud: no interest=no phone call, or should a say, no text? And then he was asking me for a second date...uhmm "second date"? Let me think! and because the chances he will cancel on me for having gotten his ex girlfriend pregnant were extremely low, given my previous experience, I didn't think that much, and agreed to go to he movies a week after.
Today, as I type, I cant even remember which movie we saw, and not because I wasn't into the movie that day, I certainly was, but it was long ago that... uhmm I cant remember, really! Anyway that date went ok, and because my bday was approaching I --that was me, only me-- thought of having dinner with this guy and then meeting my friends afterwards. I think that was the big mistake, I kind of imposed myself, and because it was my bday this guy couldn't say no, who would it, right? on a bday? on a girl's bday? Sometimes we try to be too polite, but it is better to be honest!
I had a happy Bday! I surely did. I even got a little piggy. I said I like them, and this guy got me one (another mistake). Now, I just want to throw the piggy out the window... or to the trash can...but then he is so cute, I dont have the heart, but still dont want to see it.
N. Ratched even told me he had a date before with a girl that only talked about shoes, and that he never called her again ever since. Well, that's what guys do, I thought, actually I said it aloud: no interest=no phone call, or should a say, no text? And then he was asking me for a second date...uhmm "second date"? Let me think! and because the chances he will cancel on me for having gotten his ex girlfriend pregnant were extremely low, given my previous experience, I didn't think that much, and agreed to go to he movies a week after.
Today, as I type, I cant even remember which movie we saw, and not because I wasn't into the movie that day, I certainly was, but it was long ago that... uhmm I cant remember, really! Anyway that date went ok, and because my bday was approaching I --that was me, only me-- thought of having dinner with this guy and then meeting my friends afterwards. I think that was the big mistake, I kind of imposed myself, and because it was my bday this guy couldn't say no, who would it, right? on a bday? on a girl's bday? Sometimes we try to be too polite, but it is better to be honest!
I had a happy Bday! I surely did. I even got a little piggy. I said I like them, and this guy got me one (another mistake). Now, I just want to throw the piggy out the window... or to the trash can...but then he is so cute, I dont have the heart, but still dont want to see it.
25 August, 2008
The "dating" game 1.0
I haven't written anything here in a long time...I've been unwell, emotionally unwell, then it actually became physical. Now Im feeling good, so good I want to write a little piece here.
Here goes what I've been up to:
I don't know why but I followed my friend's advice (what were you thinking German?) of signing in one of those "match" and "date" online sites...Oh what was I thinking? I was new to all that. So, guys started to sending me emails, showing interest...I went on a no-date date (I actually told the guy that was the deal). He was nice, but had a tattoo, and I don't like tattoos. Anyway we did "click" and he asked me for a second date! I was flattered, bit excited. Yes, I was feeling great and beautiful, and willing to go back to the "love game", there was this really good chance. Suddenly, I even noticed guys at the street were actually "looking at me" and even saying compliments!! Its true when they say that if you feel good, you look good.
Is it possible that good things could finally happen to me? I mean in the "love" department. Or so I thought. Jeremy, that was his name, texted me a lot the following days --and hey one first complain: what is it with the texting anyway? they don't use phone calls anymore?, call me old fashioned, but I really don't like that, its so impersonal! I like it when it comes to my old-time friends, or my long time boyfriend, then it gets very "meaningful" somehow, but with a new guy, who is "supposedly" interested in you... uhmm! I wonder!--. So anyway, Jeremy texting me was flattering at the beginning but then it was certainly annoying, so often... so desperate, so needy...
So I agreed to see him on a week day, for a short meeting. It was Monday, when I hadn't even gotten the chance to talk to my friends about my weekend "no-date-date", that certainly became a date with lots of spark, when Jeremy texted with the following shocking news: Im sorry, we have to cancel our date. I really like you, but (Big BUT) my ex girlfriend has just called me and she is pregnant and its mine, so I have to be with her now. Wish you the best!
Que? que chingados paso? Right! my reaction was in a much more worse Spanish than that.. but you get my point... However, after processing the big news, I was actually pleased! very indeed! --well, I too felt sorry for him-- Here there was a guy, who could just "lied" to me and keep dating, or at least having that second date, but instead he was actually being honest. And thanks to the ex girlfriend for speaking out in such a good timing!! But anyway he had tattoos.. and thats a no-no! No matter what!
Here goes what I've been up to:
I don't know why but I followed my friend's advice (what were you thinking German?) of signing in one of those "match" and "date" online sites...Oh what was I thinking? I was new to all that. So, guys started to sending me emails, showing interest...I went on a no-date date (I actually told the guy that was the deal). He was nice, but had a tattoo, and I don't like tattoos. Anyway we did "click" and he asked me for a second date! I was flattered, bit excited. Yes, I was feeling great and beautiful, and willing to go back to the "love game", there was this really good chance. Suddenly, I even noticed guys at the street were actually "looking at me" and even saying compliments!! Its true when they say that if you feel good, you look good.
Is it possible that good things could finally happen to me? I mean in the "love" department. Or so I thought. Jeremy, that was his name, texted me a lot the following days --and hey one first complain: what is it with the texting anyway? they don't use phone calls anymore?, call me old fashioned, but I really don't like that, its so impersonal! I like it when it comes to my old-time friends, or my long time boyfriend, then it gets very "meaningful" somehow, but with a new guy, who is "supposedly" interested in you... uhmm! I wonder!--. So anyway, Jeremy texting me was flattering at the beginning but then it was certainly annoying, so often... so desperate, so needy...
So I agreed to see him on a week day, for a short meeting. It was Monday, when I hadn't even gotten the chance to talk to my friends about my weekend "no-date-date", that certainly became a date with lots of spark, when Jeremy texted with the following shocking news: Im sorry, we have to cancel our date. I really like you, but (Big BUT) my ex girlfriend has just called me and she is pregnant and its mine, so I have to be with her now. Wish you the best!
Que? que chingados paso? Right! my reaction was in a much more worse Spanish than that.. but you get my point... However, after processing the big news, I was actually pleased! very indeed! --well, I too felt sorry for him-- Here there was a guy, who could just "lied" to me and keep dating, or at least having that second date, but instead he was actually being honest. And thanks to the ex girlfriend for speaking out in such a good timing!! But anyway he had tattoos.. and thats a no-no! No matter what!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
